Reasons why it’s cool to date [my] paraplegic…

aka…. fascinating things you learn by dating a paraplegic
aka…. what I have learned from dating [my] paraplegic
aka….. why super-strong girls should date paraplegics
Here you go:

1- Phrases like, “That’s how I roll,” and “we were just “rollin’ by” become much funnier.
2- You never have to stand for the song in the middle of church. Moral support, you know.
3- You can sneak into church without your heels making that annoying noise on the cultural hall floor. You just sit on his lap and roll to the back.
4- You always, always have a chair. And you only have to look for one extra most of the time. It also doubles as an ottoman and/or laptop stand.
5- He can kick you in the face, stomach, or back and you can never get mad. (Because, it was a spasm. And he really didn’t do it on purpose.)
6- You get wheelchair accessible seating at concerts. Which means ticketmaster picks out your seats individually. And they usually rock.
7- You can spend hours debating on if you are or are not strong enough to piggy-back him up the stairs.
8- And then one day you actually do it and you feel like the strongest girl on earth.
9- You can discern the quality and clarity of urine together and then steal his urinal to prove you can hold 850cc. (ok, this is the nurse in me)
10- Some of your most favorite memories just might be in a hospital where you fought for his pain medicine and fell asleep in his (oh so sexy) arms. And shared grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate milk. And got caught kissing by the doctor.
11- Your niece says things like, “Oh, I know what that’s like; It’s like when you wear your pants too tight and you can’t feel your legs.”
12- Meanwhile, he tells children the reason he can’t walk is because he didn’t eat his vegetables. To their horror.
13- Wrestling becomes a little more fair. Kind of. Even if he can bench you.
14- Making out on the beach becomes a feat of super-human-wheelchair-dragging-hormone-fueled strength
15- You know he loves you when he transfers into the pew at church at 1:02 to sit next to you.
16- Crazy stairs in Mexico= take-out breakfast on the Marina.
17- Acrobatic maneuvers involving removal of extra shirts to shield his hand from the banister while pulling the chair up the stairs. HOW DOES A FIRST FLOOR APT HAVE 5 STAIRS!?!
18- You start referring to yourself as a not-a-plegic
19- The phrase handi-cap scars = dirt marks on your white pants from wheelchair wheels
20- You learn to always park with space to the right
21- You can watch him sleep in ways that only people who have to be 1/3rd comfortable can
22- Dancing at nightclubs gets all of Vegas very excited.
23- You just might get out of tickets 4 out of 5 times.
24- You develop much less sympathy for the phrase, “I’m paralyzed.” (’cause really it just means he doesn’t feel like getting up.) (And yet, every time you laugh hysterically…)
25- But you still feel bad complaining about when your back hurts.
26- You learn to stop slowly at yellow lights. Something about balance…..
27- Parking rocks.
28- He teaches you weight lifting stuff you never knew. And you get to hand him the heavy dumbbells.
29- And maybe the best part of all, you can sit on his lap for HOURS. And he’ll never complain.
30-You get to learn the secret entrances to all the buildings. Through the back door, down the never-used elevator, around the corner, through the kitchen. You learn there’s always a new way in. And you kind of feel like a VIP. or a spy.
31- You learn to slow down the pace just a little. Because while sometimes efficiency is awesome, other times life is about more than getting 12 things done in an hour….
32- And a girl who has spent quite a few years trying to do everything without help finally learns to ask for it. Yes, it just might be easier if the bellhop took all the bags and I didn’t try to carry them all myself. Shocker.
AND finally…
33- “Awww crap! That’s my leg I’ve been rubbing this whole time?”