It’s 18 years after the accident took away my ability to walk & my sister. I’m not sure which hurts the most. I miss not having a big sister. We weren’t close at 11 & 12, I think that’s normal. After all I was always annoying her. I’m not sure what I feel about her not being here. It just feels like when anyone else leaves my life. I just don’t see them anymore. I miss being able to walk the most I believe. I miss not being able to run, jump, fix my own food, get myself dressed and so much more. I just want to be able to get away and not have to depend on someone. I feel like a grown baby. I just want something’s in my life to be easy. I want to go out of town and just disappear not having to answer anyone’s questions. I’m single, no kids yet I’m trapped by my motionless body. I wish it was me and not Amanda. What kind of quality of life do I really have? I’m trapped in this jail of a body.
I want to be wanted!! And not to feel like a burden. I want to not be judged by the chair.
How can expect others to accept me for who I am when I don’t accept how I am?? I don’t see myself as handicap. I see the chair as its own thing and then me. I want someone to see ME before they see the chair. I’m tired of being strong for everyone. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want someone to rescue me for once!!
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