Secret Wheelchair Thoughts
Ever wonder why a total stranger finds it so easy to tell you their life story. Deepest darkest secrets they’ve never, and probably will never, tell anyone else. It’s anonymity. There is security in knowing you will never see someone again. Most of us carry secrets we would like to share, to get off our chest and be heard, or gauge a reaction to hear an opinion on. Whatever the reason anonymity allows many to drop their inhibitions, and share secret heart felt confessions.
“There are two kinds of secrets, those we keep from others, and those we hide from ourselves.” –Frank Warren
Most experience a life changing event within our lifetime. Triumph or tragedy, the birth of a child or death of a loved one for example. It’s at these times we often take a retrospective look at ourselves and revaluate our worth our ethos and perspectives. Spinal cord injury is without doubt a tumultuous life changing event. While it may sound odd at face value I feel very fortunate in having the insight of that tumultuous experience. People find me easy to talk to and often share with me their most intimate thoughts. In keeping their anonymity I hope these secret confessions of spinal cord injury and wheelchair secrets pictorials convey the heartfelt pure open and honest raw emotion with which they were given.
Post your secret wheelchair life quotes and secret disability confessions. You can post under an alias name if you like, your anonymity is safe here. If anyone is willing to strip down and send me a clear photo (and what you want written) I’ll add it here as well. I am hoping in one of these ways you will feel comfortable enough to share your secret feelings thoughts and desires.
Life in a wheelchair raises many deep emotional thoughts and feelings regular people never have the benefit of hearing or have to contemplate. Often partners’ friends and lovers of wheelchair users have secret questions and thoughts they don’t feel comfortable asking. You don’t have to be a wheelchair user or disabled. I’d love to hear your secret thoughts and I’m happy to answer any questions I can. A quote from the heart is a very precious treasure, I will so greatly appreciate your responses.
-Graham
TruthSeeker,
Ironic that you call yourself that when you are unwilling to face the truth that is right in front of you. As this site clearly demonstrates there are people out there that can look past a physical disability. As an attractive, able bodied woman with a very healthy sexual appetite, I can assure you that there people out there that can love or be attracted to a person in a wheelchair. Not long ago I met and developed feelings for a man who was wheelchair. Every time I saw him I lit up on the inside, his smile made me blush, his wacky sense of humor constantly left me in stitches and for the first time in years I found myself shy and uncertain about how to act around a man. I was never overly concerned with what sex with him would be like, I was more preoccupied with what it would be like to hold his hand, rub his shoulders, touch his hair or just to have him whisper in my ear. I was He was a wonderful man, but unfortunately he did not feel good about himself because of his condition and he didn’t see in himself all the good that I could. Even though I have lost contact with him, I still think of him almost everyday and wish that I could spend some time chatting and laughing with him again.
So there you have it… proof that someone actually had a serious feelings for a man in a wheelchair.
I totally get the guilty thing. I’m a really tall leggy woman and at first I felt very self conscious of showing off my legs around the guy I’m dating in a wheelchair. He has spina bifida and I didn’t want him to think I was rubbing my normal legs literally in his face. Then one day we were on the couch and he started rubbing my legs and said you have sexy legs how come you never show them? And I realized he’s all male lol and I definitely wouldn’t be hurting his feelings by wrapping my stems around him in a short skirt.
Hopeful,
Where are you locacted? ha ha ha.
My name is AMacK I’m frm south central Los Angeles.. My spine injury happened because of doctors keeping secrets.. I was diagnosed wit sickle cell at the age of 3 which makes my story even worse long story short I went walking, driving, going clubbing, havin all beautiful ladies round me 2 1 day driving 2 the er & walking in 2 not leaving for 9 months because a tumor appeared wrapped around my spine & crushing it.. I was left wit stage 4 lymphoma & paralyzed frm my waist down in August of 2011.. Now even tho I have full feeling back all over I’m still in the chair & receiving zero physical therapy which I should b getting for free because of how everything happened plus I have full medi-cal.. I have a few ladies as well but I’m 2 nervous 2 get 2 close 2 anyone because I still can’t get up when it’s dat time..
I AM cancer free tho
Hi! First of all I think this site is amazing. I’m a PT and never in my life I thought i could fall for one of my patients, but I did. He’s a T12 complete paraplegic. I started to work with him a bit more than a year ago, 5 months ago he told me he also had a crush on me, and since I’m very professional, I managed to refer him to another PT for treatment. We’ve been going out for 4 months now, and I do know al the handicaps a person with SCI faces, we still haven’t had sex. I’m fine with all of it, he’s an amazing guy, smart, hard working and independent. I think it’s because its hard for him to get intimate and I’m too shy to take the lead, I guess there was nothing about it in the text books I read in college. So any tips or comments are welcomed!
Mar, I am 6+ years post injury. A T6-T7 severe fracture dislocation. Functionally a T4, but I also sustained a TBI. It took 2 years before I could even vaguely form a new memory…let me cut to the chase, I have had 1 girlfriend since my injury, we were together for 5 months. I have not had sex since my injury. We tried once, I was neither instructed nor received any sex ed after my injury for SCI in any of the 6 hospitals and 3 rehab centers I encountered since 2008. He may not know his abilities, I don’t. When I asked my Urologist if I could have children, I did not understand his answer. I had no clue how watching porn had to do with having children. Six years later, and now I understand, but I still don’t know. A lot of it is trial and trial…without getting into a moral debate, I can only advise you to sit down and have a heart ti heart discussion with him. Tell him your desires, tell him your concerns, your fears too….unfortunately you might have to take control and be the woman on top…that might be unavoidable from what I have read and learned in talking with the guys (other paras and quads). Since your man is a T12, he may be able to be on top…open honest communication is paramount to a successful relationship…para, quad, able or disabled.
Good luck, be safe, and please remember, this is how children are started….
Hi Mar,
I always say communicate, communicate, then communicate some more. It doesn’t matter which of you begins the conversation but it is very important to talk these things out. My guy is L4-5 but they now say functionally T6-7. We really enjoy trying traditional things and also non traditional. I think some people get focused on intercourse when there are so many other ways to please each other and give each other pleasure, even if he isn’t able to sustain an erection. Remember, each person with an SCI is different just as each able bodied person is. Start touching and talking- he may be ultra sensitive in areas he can feel. Don’t be shy, talk it out and experiment with romance, candles, aromatherapy, and just being together. Intimacy can be more intense than you ever imagined. Good luck!!
being in a wheelchair does NOT mean the enjoyment is over, far from it to be honest, it makes for more challenging sexual contact, have fun and enjoy what you have, as there is always someone out there worse than you.
smile at your enemies its freaks em out
keep your head strong your heart filled with love and eventually things will occur
Max
Thank you all for your comments, to give you an update, we finally started talking about the pink elephant in the room! He’s shared all of his insecurities, I told him about my fears and halfway through the conversation we started laughing at how stupid some of our issues were. So we agreed to start discovering ourselves and talking about stuff and handling it as it comes. So far its been amazing, its unbelievable how he acts as if I’m his top priority, all I hope is I can be able to give it back. Anyways, so far so great! Thank you so much again for your insights, Great people in here!
Mar,
I’m so happy things are working out for you! In any relationship communication is vital- and sometimes the things that seem the biggest hurdles turn out to be small bumps in the road and easy to overcome. Adapt and overcome is our motto. Trust me, if you can laugh and communicate the two of you can achieve anything. Try mapping his body and see what you discover. There are so many ways you can give back, so don’t worry about that :) Pop onto the site if you ever have any questions, concerns, or just want to update us. I’m so glad you found the site- people on the forum are always here for you.
Mar, so glad to hear things are turning out beautifully!!!
Sometimes the pain is so bad I want to die but I still refuse the pain meds because I’m afraid of addiction.
I’m afraid my wife will leave me due to this stupid chair and the insomnia from pain.
and before the surgery I was fit… now I hate when my wife sees me naked… she must find me revolting.
will I ever truly be able to get back to the things I used to do when a chair just won’t go some places?
I really don’t want the world to see me because I feel like half a person now.
And I’m sick to death of the pity from others… why must they all say “I’m sorry” as if I’m some how broken now and they can’t fix me?
These are the sorts of things that cross my mind late at night when I lay in bed awake, or when I sit in the living room staring at the chair. One thing is for sure… this really does change your life. (incomplete L4-L5, in therapy for depression, anxiety, and still learning to cope)
I heard it gets better and am trying to get there.
Amanda, thank you so much for the tip! Things are starting to get intimate, so I did what you said, explore his sensitive spots, and it drove him crazy! Last week he asked me to come to his urologist appointment, he explained a lot of things that I had no idea, about how his body works, I really appreciated the gesture and felt so grateful to both the doctor and my boyfriend. Now we just have to hand some bloodwork results and pretty soon we’ll give viagra or whatever the doc thinks suits better a try. He’s started to meet some of my friends, and I was really anxious about this, I have to admit that at frist it was weird for some of them, but the more they get to hang out with him the more they get to see “him”, this makes me feel more confident about introducing him to my parents, though we havent made any solid plans for that yet. I told him about this place, so dont be surprised if he decides to post something soon!
Hello everyone,
I was browsing the web in search of info about dating guys in chairs. Recently, I met the most amazing man in my life who just happens to be in a chair. I myself am not in a chair. Everything from his smile to the way he treats me has truly changed my perspective on men, dating and love. Deep in my heart, I believe that he is the “one”. His condition does not affect nor have any weight on how I perceive him, us or how others may view our relationship. I believe that a lot of this has to do with the fact that my brother is also in a chair which has really allowed me to see and understand that my brother is and always will be the same person. It also helps a great deal that I am comfortable with myself and with the man I am dating. For any person to think that an individual does not deserve love and happiness, much less a healthy relationship on any level because of being in a chair is ridiculous and just wrong. There is definitely very different dynamics of course between having a brother in a chair and dating someone who is also in one. That is the reason why I began my online search. Despite my being completely comfortable with the situation, I still wanted to do some research since I was in new territory. There were just so many questions running through my mind. Most of which have been answered as our relationship progresses both emotionally and physically. Yes, we do have sex and it is not much different from past relationships I have had. I soon became aware that every spinal cord injury is different and was very surprised to learn that the man I am dating can get an erection thus being able to perform. I have read most of the posts on this page and was attempting to understand and gain knowledge from those who left them. What I have seen so far is that all of our situations are different and that we are just trying to express our views, thoughts, opinions, etc with the hopes of being heard and understood. I am personally grateful to be surrounded and loved by the people who are part of my life. I also wanted to let those of you who have posted that no matter what challenges life may throw at us, we are all unique and special. I know it sounds cheesy, but believing in something and staying hopeful is very powerful. I have read a lot that people in chairs are different and that their lives are faced with many challenges. My response to that is that I will never be able to compare my life to someone else’s. All I can do is just be myself and appreciate life in all of it’s beauty and imperfections. No I am not saying at all that people in chairs are imperfect. I was simply stating that the world is not a perfect place and terrible things happen all the time. I think that finding the beauty in the things we do and the people around us is what makes living life truly meaningful. I probably sound like I am rambling and perhaps I am. It’s just that I wanted to let everyone know that I have found love which to me is beautiful despite what others may feel or believe. Obviously there may be some obstacles due to the fact that my guy is in a chair, but what relationship is perfect? The only thing that matters is how he and I view our relationship and how we feel about each other.
i want to kiss the penultimate girl :)
(penultimate? never heard but google translate says so, i’m german)
Jen, If that is rambling, please ramble on.
As I read so many of the submissions that say that people are not interested in them because they are disabled, are actually projecting their own low self-esteem. If you don’t love or value yourself, no one else will either. I have been a para for many years since childhood and have had four marriage proposals in my life. NO, I am not a beauty queen but I know I have a great deal of value and I offer my spouse as much as he offers me. If you are newly disabled, take some time to heal first. There is no reason a man or a woman cannot meet and enjoy a partner. By the way, if someone rejects you based on external issues, then you are lucky they go away. We all age in life and these are the type of people who would leave you for any superficial reason. Stop acting or feeling damaged. You are none of the above. Embrace who you are and you will be surprised at how many dates you will end up experiencing.
Well said Cindy, we want to hear more from you. Let us know if you are interested in sharing your story and we’ll setup a page for you.
My wife and I are in our eighties. She is confined to a wheelchair in an assisted living facility. She has some Alzheimer’s symptoms and I want so much to comfort her when she is baffled by her condition. I want to hold her in my arms and whisper softly to her. But I can’t find a way to give her the hug I believe she’d enjoy. I kneel next to the chair, but can hug only half of her and not with both arms. We are not talking about sex here, but of the comfort of being held in the arms of someone you’ve loved more than 60 years.
This has to be a common concern for others and I’d like very much to hear any solutions you may have for us.
Tom, I empathize with you, as I am paralyzed below my collar bones and am confined to a wheelchair due to a Spinal Cord Injury. I recently attempted to hug a woman using both of my arms and fell forward as I had forgotten that I am paralyzed. I also survived a Traumatic Brain Injury as well, so I may be able to relate to your condition a bit more. One solution is to sit with her on a couch, or beside her in a love seat, or a large recliner and give her the hug you so desperately desire! Just remember, as her mind begins to fade, she may revert to the child she was oh so long ago. Although she isn’t chronologically a child, her mindset may be quite child like at times. In some ways, I am only 7 years old socially, as the brain takes about as long to heal as it did to develop. Be kind and keep loving your wife, I surely appreciate your efforts to love, honour, and cherish your wife, even if it may seem at times that she doesn’t. Make things fun and be playful like a child, share in the life experiences you have had together and include all she can recollect as often as you can to keep exercising her mind. Ask her questions, and let her answer the best she can. Remember to keep things simple, light, and playful, lest she become frustrated…you could also try siting in a chair yourself alongside your wife, and turn your upper bodies to embrace…some chairs allow the arm rests to be removed for more access, depending on your wife’s stability as well as your balance, be cateful.
Thank you, Dustin, for your ideas and your encouragement. I had not thought of couch sitting or removing the wheelchair arm to get closer. I’ll investigate both. I also value your council to consider my wife’s (Barbara) state at the moment. You’re considerate of others’ feelings and this says much about the kind of man you are.
Best to you. Tom
Thanks to Dustin’s encouragement I revisited my hugging prospects. I came at it directly from the front, legs astraddle her legs, but it felt too dominating. Her chair does not have a drop-arm. I finally settled on closing my eyes and lying my head sideways on her lap. I feel close this way and my hair is there for her hands to run fingers through it. Both my head and her fingers can make an intimate moment out of it for as long as we wish. It feels appropriate and I’m settling for this so far.
Tom
Hi my name is kris and my fiancée became a complete c4,c5 tetraplegic
In July 2014. I honestly think there are a lot of people out there that see a
Wheelchair and not a person due to not understanding paralyzation. First
Thing I told Russ after the accident and something I continue to tell him is
That the accident may have taken his mobility but did not take what makes him
Who he is. He is still the man I loved before he dove off that bridge and is still
The man I love now. He still gives me goosebumps every time I look at him or
When he kisses me. The accident doesn’t take your brain, heart and soul. People
Need to remember that. Our bodies are our shell. It’s what’s inside that counts
The most. I love Russ with all my heart and always will.
Thank you, Kris, for your wisdom about your reactions to your fiancé’s condition. What you say to him about your continuing love has to be strengthening for his soul. I especially value your words to him about what he has lost physically and how your love continues as it always has and always will be. I pray that you will be strong enough to hold yourself to your promises.
I am going to use your words with my wife in the hope that I can encourage her despite her inability to walk. She has Alzheimers Disease complicated by Parkinsons Disease. I am never sure she comprehends what I am saying, but I will speak to her now the words you have suggested. Bless you for reminding me to do just that.
Today the staff had placed her on her bed under a coverlet to relieve her bum of the stresses of her chair seat. I found a narrow spot next to her where I could fit in and lay there for an hour as she drifted in and out of sleep. I sense that she understood I was there for her.
Tim, I’m so glad that you could find some comfort with my words. I feel so sorry for what you are going through. It’s so hard when a loved one loses their mobility, but to lose the power of their mind is equally devistating. Just be there for her and assure her that you love her. Sometimes words need not be spoken. It’s a simple touch or caress and just being there that counts the most. From the beginning so many people said” I will not hold it against you if you leave” that is not me, abandoning is not the answer. Put yourself in their place. Would you want to be alone? Please don’t get me wrong, it’s hard. Every day is a struggle. The emotions can be overwhelming. I pray every day for Gods strength and guidance and most importantly take one day at a time. My words of encouragement may not work for everyone for we as people are all different. I just do what I feel is right in my heart and soul. I wish you and your wife the best and you both will be in my thoughts and prayers. One more thing, love like there’s no tomorrow for we don’t always know if that tomorrow will be there.
I am grateful for your comments Kris. Many thanks for taking the time to be in touch. Our church is keeping us in prayer. Some of the few, almost only words she speaks when I’m there are “I love you, Tom.” I believe, with you, that if you are saying and doing what feels right in your heart and soul, you are inspired by the divine presence to whom you have reached out for guidance. May the Holy Spirit remain at your side as you walk this journey with Russ.
Tom
Inspiring thoughts. Thank You
As a 40 year old man paralysed from the waist at birth i obviously cannot relate to becoming disabled after being abebodied but for what its worth here is my take on sex and romance. From a very early stage i became acutely aware that the overwhelming majority of ablebodied women (and by that i mean 99%) perceive men in wheelchairs as inherently asexual and react to them reflexively & instinctively with compassion – which to anybody with basic intelligence – is just another word for pity) Now while this can (and believe me HAS MANY TIMES) lead to feelings of anger & resentment especially knowing that you are every bit as sexual as an ablebodied man, the simple truth is that you cannot change a society that is bombarded with negative subliminal imagery & unfortunately visual first impressions tend to be permanent. With that one can adopt the mentality of “why would i want to have a relationship that i know will be grounded in sympathy anyway?” You must understand i am talking from the perspective of somebody who was born with his disability ONLY. Armed with that more positive mentality it might be more productive for the maan with this physical disability to direct his romantic inclination towards a partner in the same position as himself? The logic being that both people would be at the same basic level so any inherant feeling of sympathy from one person or inferiority from the other would be immediately cancelled out. Of course i understand this approach would probably would only be of practical use to individuls born with their disabilities. Zoltan
Graham I’m Chad 52 L4-S1 incomplete and C5-7 incomplete there as well.
I just wanted to Thank U and everyone else whom have posted on here.
has been very helpful knowing I’m not the Lone Ranger in this!!!
Thanks to everyone, for the stories U shared…….
Chad
God bless you Kris and other women who don’t abandon their fiances after paralysis.
Sammy????
(Long story short – Back story to give you a rough Idea where I’m at)
He is a Quad chest down and I’m not, we’ve known each other in reasonably close/kind of close proximity for like 5 1/2 years and then not for like 4 years only social media and a few visits, chats etc, and now again (much to my delight right away – but not sure he realises that) just recently over the last 7months reasonably close proximity again. Nothing ever happened in those first 5 1/2 years (it didn’t cross my mind all the time back then but I must admit it did on occasion but I thought there was someone else and actually thought I ever existed in his mind that way, only on one occasion in that whole over 5 years did I ever think maybe but that was it once)but things changed and some things have happened between us shortly after the start of the last 7 months back in close proximity of one another.
(My problem/confusion – Seems to have lost interest – BUT??)
Is he really not interested or is he just doing a really good job of pushing me away?
Or did I not jump in like I should have and now he’s over it and not interested?
Or does he think it’s never going to work so he doesn’t even want to try anymore?
Or is he hooked on something/someone from the past or thinks something better is going to come along and just no longer interested in me?
Or does he think that I have a problem with the situation (I don’t! I just wish we could talk about it. If that’s how he feels?) or does he think it’s to difficult or doesn’t want to deal with it (I feel as though it hasn’t really even been given a chance to be dealt with really, I would like to try)and I should try?
Or does he just want to pretend it never happened and want me to never bring it up? I’m not fully sure what I want (as things kind of only just got started then stoped before I got a chance to relax and fully through myself in there, and I feel a bit rejected SILLY I know) but I know I don’t want to do that!
I’m just so confused as to whether he is just acting this way and doesn’t really mean it (but used to pushing people away) and if he is waiting for me to push through those barriers, he’s making it very difficult(I feel I want to but if he really doesn’t want me to it could mess everything up and as it is we don’t talk like we used to)or is it real and he means it, and just wants to cast it aside like it was nothing (if so I would do that absolutely – as best as I could – if it was what he ‘really’ wanted as I wouldn’t want to cause him any grief or issues) but I need to know to be able to do that.
Anyone out there have any ideas (if this all makes sense, sorry I wrote so much lol) maybe Graham, he’s answers always seem to help others in most ways. Anyone that could help/share would be great!! Thank You
Hi Hopeful
p.s. I completely ‘feel as though’ I understand most of what you said, and feel a lot as you said you feel/felt…. Of cause it is possible, why people think otherwise is beyond me!!
It’s funny I don’t think they realise, just seeing them and the simplest little things like their simile or the way they do something that is just so cute to you. But then again he’s not the only one, I’m not the best at the whole affection thing either I must admit. Would like to share these things with him but I have a feeling I may get shot down really quick if I did that and feel like an absolute fool lol.
Thanks for sharing Hopeful :-)