Wheelchair Sex After Spinal Cord Injury
Wheelchair sex and the ability to develop sexuality, participate in sexual activity, and maintain long term intimate relations is desired as much by people with a disability as in the general population. The majority of spinal cord injury wheelchair users are 15 to 45 years of age so sex and fertility often become an important issue. The amount of physical sexual function and ability to feel pleasure or pain sensation after a spinal cord injury depends on level and completeness. In general, an incomplete spinal cord injury affects sexual function to a varying degree if at all, as opposed to complete where no function exists.
For men with incomplete spinal cord injuries involuntary motor and or sensory function still exists below the level of injury. The ability to achieve a sustainable erection for wheelchair sex and reach orgasm is usually possible. After a complete injury the ability to achieve erections, ejaculate, and father children can be greatly compromised. For women complete or incomplete, following an initial absence of menstrual cycle, fertility is rarely impaired, though vaginal lubrication may be. In both sexes limited to no sensation below the level of injury is common. By having wheelchair sex many couples are re-discovering sex after spinal cord injury. Wheelchair sex enriches their lives and results in a more understanding closer relationship.
Safe Sex and What to do With Catheters
Never assume a spinal cord injury causes infertility or makes one incapable of catching and spreading Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD). Practice safe sex as you would normally. Men with a permanent Indwelling Catheter (IDC) can remove or fold back and cover with a condom or otherwise secure to penis shaft. Women with an IDC can also leave a catheter in during sex unless it causes problems. Stoma and those who self-cath (pass a catheter several times a day to drain bladder) usually do so just prior to sex to avoid any unwanted urine leakage. Supra Pubic Catheter users are free to engage in wheelchair sex, intimacy and sexual intercourse anytime.
Usually high level quadriplegics cannot go without a catheter for long. Care should be taken not to pull on a catheter during sex but don’t let it spoil enjoyment. If either wheelchair sex partner (or soloist) has major concern about a catheter for medical or aesthetic reasons tape it and any tubing to the body prior to love making. Be aware tubing pressed hard against skin can cause blisters. A sleeve of soft material slipped over the catheter and or tubing may avoid blistering.
Orgasm Erectile and Vaginal Function
Men with incomplete spinal cord injuries may achieve reflex, but not psychogenic erections. That is; an erection may be achieved by physical stimulus, touch, not erotic vision or thought. While a more than adequate blessing for most, such erections are not always sustainable or strong enough for penetrative sex. Not only can unpredictable erections cause embarrassing situations during sexual intimacy but for wheelchair users in public (being void of sensation below the level of injury) unaware they have an erection. It has been reported that 45 percent of men have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury.
Complete injuries involving S2 to S4 affect the nerves responsible for two main chambers (corpora cavernosa) of the penis which fill with blood to create an erection, damage at and above this level makes reflex (physically stimulated) erections totally unachievable for most. If a sphincterectomy has been performed reflex and psychogenic erections are rarely possible. Difficulties with erections may eventually be experienced by nearly half of men with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) caused by lesions of the thoracic spine and autonomic nerves.
The most sensitive area of the penis is the fraenum (underside of penis head). A vibrator applied to the fraenum can not only induce erection but orgasm, ejaculation. For a woman laying face up the erogenous zone is two to three inches inside the vagina and upward, called the G-spot. During wheelchair sex a womans G-spot might be more easily reached by sliding her hips up to the front edge of the wheelchair seat.
Women with incomplete spinal injuries are generally able to produce vaginal lubrication and enjoy wheelchair sex. For women with complete injuries between T10 and T12 there is typically an absence of either psychogenic or reflex lubrication. Attempted penetration of the vagina by any means may trigger adductor and pelvic floor muscle spasm. Be patient and never force entry. It has been reported that 53 percent of women have experienced orgasm after spinal cord injury.
Medications and Sex Aids After Spinal Cord Injury
The introduction of oral medications Viagra and Ciallis have largely replaced their intracavernosal predecessors. Swallowing a pill has much less shock value than injecting and massaging meds into the penis. While both methods can help sustain an erection, the ability to achieve some form of erection in the first place, is most desirable.
I am one of the lucky quadriplegic wheelchair users who can get an erection simply by touch. I have tried Viagra several times. In the interests of research for this wheelchair sex article of course. I did not notice Viagra of any benefit to my usual sexual function. Viagra is really only of benefit to those who can achieve psychogenic erections (erections from erotic thoughts).
Devices such as vacuum erection pumps can initiate erection and tight rings or bands applied to the base of penis will restrict blood drain from the penis once erection is achieved. Penile pump implants are also available but carry risk of erosion, leakage, or infection requiring removal. Some men with intact sacral anterior nerve roots are able to achieve stimulator-driven erections, though the primary reason for doing so is urination, not sex.
Disability sex aids like sex wedges, sex swings, vibrators, the height of a bed or table, power tilt on a wheelchair and easily removable arm rests are worth consideration when purchasing equipment with wheelchair sex in mind. Partners of wheelchair users will attest the wheelchair itself becomes a sexual aid at times.
For the more sexually adventurous, electric powered mechanical sex seats and fetish equipment like neck braces, casts, catheters, crutches, straitjackets, bondage, electrostimulators, mouth spreaders, and speculum devices exist.
Sex lubricants such as K-Y Jelly can assist in achieving sexual penetration and increase enjoyment of wheelchair sex. Application of these gels or “body sauces” and massage oils to other areas where greater sensation exists may also prove pleasurable during wheelchair sex.
Wheelchair Sex Positions
How do people in wheelchairs have sex? Just like any other person, usually in bed. Some sexual positions are more difficult in bed after spinal cord injury as paralysis makes it hard to roll over or climb on top, compounded by loss of leg function for support, and hips for thrust. Therefore some sexual positions are more easily achieved by practising wheelchair sex. Most modern wheelchairs have easy to remove armrests, swing away footplates, folding backrests and locking brakes and such easily accommodate wheelchair sex and greater sexual freedom. Those in wheelchairs due to spinal cord injury often describe their wheelchair as their legs and therefore it becomes a part of their sexuality.
Paraplegics rely on upper body strength to perform adventurous wheelchair sex positions. Quadriplegics or Tetraplegics rely on assistance from their partner to do the same. For wheelchair sex sliding the paralyzed male or females bottom to the front edge of the wheelchair seat gives greater access for sex. When both sex partners have high level spinal cord injuries a sex worker may be employed to assist in wheelchair sex and intercourse. Be aware when limited sensation below the level of spinal cord injury exists, sensitivity above the level of injury often increases, and can become hypersensitive. Go easy on those nipples.
Some find paralysis and wheelchair users very sexually attractive and actively seek them as partners. Most are caring empathetic people genuinely interested in people with disabilities. Occasionally however such relationships are sought assuming that a position of dominance and control will be given and can result in conflict or violence. Wheelchair sex fetish should not be thought of as perverse. Like any sexual practice it only becomes unhealthy or inappropriate and often illegal when forced into or thrust upon minors and unsuspecting, unwilling parties. For example; public masturbation, flashing and up-skirting.
Throw Clinical Approach Out The Bedroom Window
As a C4 incomplete quadriplegic male able to achieve reflex but not psychogenic erections the sight of my beautiful girlfriend still makes me want to pin her to the wall and tear her lingerie off with my teeth. A clinical diagnosis deeming psychogenic, sexual thought and erotic vision of no benefit to establishing erection, bares no relevance in the bedroom. Scented candles, rose petals, lingerie, nudity, enticement, foreplay, wheelchairs and other apparatus can hold new use and appreciation for both sexes. Blessed with a patient willing partner I even turn my head sideways looking at my hoist lately.
“Sexy is not about sensation. It took time to recognize that what I was feeling during sex was less about physical sensation and more of a mental build-up. It’s mind over matter, but there’s definitely a release. It was completely frustrating at first, but I think part of the healing process was learning the ways my body works differently after my accident.” – Angela Rockford
Experiment with your partner to discover the new frontier spinal cord injury and wheelchair sex brings. Talk with them to learn about their body, likes and dislikes. People with a physical disability often have a poor self body image, thinking they are damaged goods, broken, somehow less than. This perception or stigma is difficult to change in both the disabled and general public’s mind. Often an able-bodied sex partner will feel guilt for having full sensation. These feelings are normal and should be discussed, but don’t dwell on them. Healthy love making is about pleasing your partner. The person with limited sensation from spinal cord injury often derives great joy and sexual satisfaction from simply pleasuring their partner.
A girlfriend of mine was asked what she sees in me because I’m, “not a whole man.” Resisting the urge to punch them out of their seat she replied, “He’s more man than any I know, I see the man not the wheelchair.”
Spinal Cord Injury Emissions and Ejaculations
For seminal emission to occur the spinal cord nerves from T11 to L2 to the vasa deferentia, seminal vesicles, and prostate must be intact. Emission being a trickling or leakage of semen with no rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles as in true ejaculation. Some with complete cord lesions at lumbar or sacral level may be able to achieve psychogenic erections and emission. Retrograde ejaculation, where the semen is ejected into the bladder rather than the urethral meatus is common.
When ejaculation cannot be achieved by sexual intercourse it may be induced by masturbation or vibrator stimulus of the fraenum (underside tip) of the penis. Emissions may also be induced by rectal electroejaculation (a vibrator applied to prostate via the anus). A hypo-gastric plexus stimulator can also be implanted to achieve emission, using a single inductive link across the skin. When neither ejaculation nor emission can be achieved collection of sperm by epididymal aspiration or testicular biopsy (a sample collected from testicles by needle) is possible.
Fertility After Spinal Cord Injury
Fertility in men progressively reduces after spinal cord injury. A low sperm count with diminished motility (swim strength) is often due to continuing non-ejaculation, infection and raised testicular temperatures from sitting in a wheelchair and laying in bed for long periods with little mobility and poor air flow. Earliest collection and storage of sperm after a spinal cord injury might therefore be enacted. Seminal fluid quality may improve after repeated ejaculation. All good reasons to engage in regular wheelchair sex.
It is essential to obtain microbiological cultures of the seminal fluid and eradicate any infection prior to proceeding with an attempt at fertilization. Fertilization success rates after spinal cord injury have improved with the use of seminal fluid enhancement techniques, intrauterine insemination, In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI).
For women after an initial absence of menstrual cycles fertility is rarely compromised. If the spinal cord lesion is complete above T10 labor may be painless. When unable to bear down effectively during the second stage of labor forceps are often used to assist in delivery. Autonomic Dysreflexia during labor is a risk for mothers with a spinal cord injury at T6 and above, this can be prevented with an epidural anesthesia.
Sexual Access and Opportunity for Disabled
“(Sex)abled Disability Uncensored” celebrates people with disabilities as sexual beings. This 14-minute film made by San Francisco State University students features the bright and lively participants of the discussion panel sponsored by UC Berkeley’s Disabled Students Union called “Are Cripples Screwed?” Enjoy engaging with Bay area community members and comedian Josh Blue (winner of Last Comic Standing) as they share their personal experiences with wheelchair sex, dating and intimacy. Please consider making a contribution to the production of this video at Sex Smart Films.
For significantly disabled wheelchair users such as high level spinal cord injury tetraplegics (quadriplegics) on ventilators living in structured environments, nursing homes, group homes and institutions, wheelchair sex and opportunities for sexual and gender expression may be limited. Institutional barriers to wheelchair sex and sexual relationships include cramped conditions, a lack of privacy, unwelcome intrusion by support staff, prohibited relationships with staff, prohibited sexual contact between residents and prohibited sexual relations between residents and visitors.
Disabled people’s sexual and emotional needs are rarely included in any discussion or representation in popular culture such as movies, music, and magazines. When disabled people are represented in more sexually positive ways by media, often social cultural and institutional supports follow suit, advocating for disabled people’s greater sexual access and sexual well-being. For wheelchair users with spinal cord injury this positive sexual representation not only promotes wheelchair sex. It strengthens sexual self-identification and heightens sexual self-esteem. It creates an avenue for non-disabled people to see the disabled in a more sexually attractive light.
Disability in the Commercial Sex Industry
Paraplegics and quadriplegics are employed as sex workers in several fields. Increasing numbers of women with paralysis from spinal cord injury and other physical disabilities are being employed in the phone sex industry. Some customers specifically request sexual surrogates (qualified sex therapy educators who engage in sex). Others request wheelchair bound prostitutes. Some earn a living as wheelchair sex porn stars. Disability sex educators, with an actual disability, are highly sought after. Wheelchair bound glamour models are increasingly seen in the fashion industry. There is even a niche for medical equipment test pilots.
A 13 billion dollar industry in the United States, commercial outlets and websites selling “disability fetish” calendars, pictures and videos of disabled women and men having sex, wheelchair sex, naked “gimp” amputees, girls in casts and various other mediums of wheelchair bound people having sex are increasingly common in western culture. Most are produced solely for pornographic use which is fine for adult porn entertainment but is all to often exploitative of the disability sector. Porn movies featuring non-disabled wheelchair pretenders do little to promote real wheelchair sex or sex with a disability. The wheelchair becomes nothing more than a prop.
The relationship between disability and the commercial sex industry has developed healthier approaches through increased education and recognition of sexuality of people with disabilities as an important issue. With or without disability however gender imbalance will always exist, where women are seen as goods and men as the consumer or buyer of such goods.
Disability in the International Sex Industry
The global sex industry is worth an estimated 850 billion US dollars per year spawning many illegal underground sub-cultures. Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world, targeting vulnerable sections of populations including disabled people. Globally, 27 million people are held in slavery for the two main purposes of labor and sex. Often considered unable to work, those with a disability are nearly always exploited for sex.
Disabled women often enter into traditional prostitution as the lowest and cheapest commodity due to their extremely marginalized status. This places them at great risk of sexual abuse, rape and sexually transmitted disease HIV/AIDS. Each country has their own inherent problems concerning sexual issues, such as traditional customs and culture, access and support, education and advocacy, economy and research. The problems facing the international sex industry are many and positive outcomes few.
Five Quick Wheelchair Sex Facts
- A Braille copy of Playboy featuring the beautiful paraplegic Ellen Stohl was provided by the National Library Service for the Blind and Handicapped in the USA until Congress banned its production.
- The average age of entry into pornography and prostitution in the USA is 13. Of these more than 10% have a disability.
- In Australia, the Accsex Network provides disabled people with a “sex-attendant” and can arrange access to other wheelchair sex services.
- The Pink Palace, a brothel in Melbourne, gained global media attention by making their premises wheelchair accessible and installing a sit-down shower.
- In Zimbabwe some still believe that HIV/AIDS can be cured by having sex with a disabled person.
Barriers to Sexual Expression After Spinal Cord Injury
Social attitudes and physical barriers associated with decreased mobility as well as a dependency on others for care after a spinal cord injury often hinders sexual expression. A social attitude that deems people with physical disabilities as dependent and helpless only fosters assumptions. It serves to prevent able-bodied people from accepting a person with spinal cord injury as a sexual partner.
Perceived as very “needy” a relationship with a person of high level spinal cord injury such as quadriplegia or tetraplegia is imagined to be extremely demanding and never equal. This attitude can also become internalized by the person with spinal cord injury. They start to believe their dependency makes them undesirable wheelchair sex and life partners.
Wheelchair sex barriers after spinal cord injury and the true sexual desires, prowess and functions of people with disabilities, are greatly compromised by mythical stigma and stereotypes. People with intellectual disabilities for example are often believed to be oversexed and dangerous or asexual and eternally childlike. Other wheelchair users, especially those with a spinal cord injury are considered unable to parent, conceive, or adequately raise children. These false stereotypes further exclude people with disabilities from sexual activities. This has been highlighted by an increasingly vocal constituency of people with disabilities expressing frustration at the social barriers preventing full participation in life particularly in the taboo area of sexuality.
Emphasis has been placed on social re-integration of wheelchair users like those with spinal cord injury in recent times. Schemes and programs have been developed to open opportunities for wheelchair sex, independent living, education, employment, health, sport, transport and physical wheelchair access. Many people meet sex partners and life partners at college, their workplace and social events, but for wheelchair users they must first be able to participate and express their sexuality. Only then can they be seen as sexually able and possibly sexually attractive.
Identified Sexual Outcomes After Spinal Cord Injury
Today, there is a greater awareness that sexuality is equally important to men and women with disabilities and that sexuality is an integral part of the development and experience of all people. Much of what we know about the social barriers that people with disabilities face in relation to their sexuality comes from the reports of people with disabilities themselves. Disability activists have also played a strong role, campaigning for the sexual rights of people with disabilities, including the right to have sexual relationships, the right to be parents, and the right to access sexual services.
People with a disability including wheelchair users with spinal cord injury don’t always portray the youth, virility, athleticism and physical beauty that is so sought after in western culture. Often resented by the able-bodied, seen as ugly and repulsive, the disabled body is hidden or presented as something to be avoided, corrected, and pitied.
Historically, there has been a fear that people with disabilities will produce offspring with disabilities, and a belief that this is something that should be avoided. Despite the history of exclusion, physical limitations, isolation and abuse, it is important to note that for other people with disabilities, their sexual rights are being achieved and they are leading satisfying sexual lives.
Both paraplegics and quadriplegics living with spinal cord injury are enjoying relationships of all kinds, having children, marrying other disabled people and people who do not have a disability. People with disabilities are enjoying active wheelchair sex lives, dating, loving, touching, kissing, hugging, sucking, fingering, and fucking. Some are accessing the sex industry, visiting sex workers, working as sex workers, consuming pornography, and in some instances, making pornography.
People paralyzed by spinal cord injury are learning and teaching about sex, as sex educators, counselors, and researchers. They are finding and sharing useful ways to enjoy wheelchair sex, express their sexuality, increase sexual pleasure and bolster sexual self esteem. Prioritizing the sexual rights of people with disabilities, as well as dissolving stereotypes, taboos and silences will ensure that these success stories become the norm for most people with disabilities in years to come.
Graham Streets
MSC Founder
Resources
- Barry, K. 1995. The Prostitution of Sexuality. New York University Press.
- Bradford, S. 2003. Prostitution Reform Bill Good for Disabled People.
- Fegan, L. A. Rauch. W. McCarthy. 1993. Sexuality and People with Intellectual Disability. Sydney, Australia: MacLennan & Petty Pty Limited.
- Gary L. Albrecht. 2006. Encyclopedia of Disability. University of Illinois, Chicago.
- Hughes, D. 1999. Pimps and Predators on the Internet: Globalizing Sexual Exploitation of Women and Children. Oslo, Norway: The Coalition Against Trafficking in Women.
- McCabe, M. P. and G. Taleporos. 2003. Sexual Esteem, Sexual Satisfaction and Sexual Behavior among People with Physical Disability. Archives of Sexual Behavior.
- Miles, M. 1999. Blindness in South and East Asia: Using History to Inform Development. Disability in Different Cultures: Reflections on Local Concepts. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers.
- Mona, L. R. and P. S. Gardos. 2000. Disabled Sexual Partners. Psychological Perspectives on Human Sexuality.
- Murphy, R. 1995. Encounters: The Body Silent in America Disability and Culture. University of California Press.
- Noonan, R. 2000. Sex Surrogates: A Clarification of Their Functions.
- Raymond, J. G. 2003. 10 Reasons for Not Legalizing Prostitution.
- Richard, A. O. 1999. International Trafficking in Women to the United States: A Contemporary Manifestation of Slavery and Organized Crime. Washington, DC: Center for the Study of Intelligence, CIA.
- Shakespeare, T. 2000. Disabled Sexuality: Toward Rights and Recognition. Sexuality and Disability.
- Shakespeare, T., K. Gillespie-Sells, and D. Davis. 1996. The Sexual Politics of Disability: Untold Desires. London: Cassell.
- Shuttleworth, R. 2000. The Search for Sexual Intimacy for Men with Cerebral Palsy. Sexuality and Disability.
- Shuttleworth, R. P. and L. Mona. 2002. Disability and Sexuality: Toward a Focus on Sexual Access. Disability Studies Quarterly.
- Silverburg, C., M. Kaufman, and F. Odette. 2003. The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. San Francisco: Cleis.
- Sipski, M. and C. Alexander. 1997. Sexual Function in People with Disability and Chronic Illness: A Health Professional’s Guide. Frederick, MD: Aspen.
- Taleporos, George. 2001. Our Bodies and Sexualities beyond 2000: Disability with Attitude: Critical Issues 20 Years After International Year of Disabled Persons. University of Western Sydney, Australia.
- Wade, H. 2002. Discrimination, Sexuality and People with Significant Disabilities: Issues of Access and the Right to Sexual Expression in the United States. Disability Studies Quarterly.
- Sobsey, D. 1994. Violence and Abuse in the Lives of People with Disabilities: The End of Silent Acceptance. Baltimore: Brookes.
Websites
- Disabled Love Aid Sex Chair: http://www.disabledloveaid.co.uk
- Informing Sexuality After Illness and Disability; i-said UK: http://www.i-said.co.uk
- Intimate Rider: http://www.intimaterider.com
- Penile Vibratory Stimulation, PVS: Semen Retreival by Penile Vibratory Stimulation in Men with Spinal Cord Injury
- Sex Smart Films: http://www.sexsmartfilms.com
- Sexonomics: http://sexonomics-uk.blogspot.com/2011/04/sexual-ability.html
- Sexual Health Network: http://www.sexualhealth.com
- Spinal Cord Injury Information Network: Sexual Function for Men with Spinal Cord Injury
@Lamonte, Hello. Thank you soooo much for sharing that and for giving me tips and advice, I really need that this time for me to know the do’s and don’t for me to know waht to expect and not, I need that. I really know that Him and I will have a good time. One more thing that I love about our relationship is that My Dad loves him soooo much, when we talk on Skype, My dad will took the headset from me and talk to him and teach him our language, My Dad knows that He’s in a wheelchair and He doesn’t mind because my man is a great guy!
Regarding the toys, I will ask him regarding that, since He’s so open to talk about his situation.. Guys like you are all amazing, He taught me a lot of things when it comes in seeing life, I am learning from him w/o Him knowing it..
Salute to all of you guys! :)
Ja you are our gift. For me and for uour boy person like you are “the power“ belive me.
You father is amaising to, because i and mi grisl we have problems whith har mother, shi don`t want me iven if we have 2 yars together. I work with my girlfriend together in a mayor in Romania and everything works perfectly just as her parents not accept me and we suffer both hard all.
we have a strong relationship and we hop that we rezolv this problem because I love her parents because they born and create a very beautiful children.
i belive i an exactly like yor frend with arms just slightly affected.
For sex …i have erection , i ned help for do sex, because you are person who must move, and you need to show trusted.
If you want to know more about us, please tell me
And….God Bless as …whith you.
Hi Maxxim, good to hear from you again. I am sorry to hear that your girlfriend’s mother doesn’t like you, I will include you guys in my prayer and that may God enlighten your girlfriend’s mother that she may see you as who really you are not a person in chair. I genuinely admire guys like you, how you face life and overcome struggles. You guys been thru a lot and you all guys deserve all the happiness, good things in life..
My dad like my man, NO, my Dad love my man. I told my dad what he’d been thru and that my man despite of his situation He works 12/day, He have 2 jobs and my dad admire my man soo much and my dad even told my man that He will take good care of him once He gets here. My man do firing, and He have collection of guns and knives too..
Me and my man had talk about making love/sex, I am not expecting too much when it comes to that, but then again I don’t know yet what He can do in bed, I might be surprise, haha.. He told me we will always make things work out in all aspects. I just can’t wait to be with him, the more I wait for January the more it takes longer, haha.. I just can’t wait to make love with him, I know it will be wonderful.. :)
The first time He told me about his catheter, I was surprise because I didn’t know that you guys use it, He explained it to me and I understood why you guys need to do it. Every morning that I will call him to wake him up for work, I always ask him if I can empty his bag, haha..
Oh BTW, I’m just wondering, why are your feet swollen? Is it normal for people like you?..
Thank you Maxxim.
God Bless you!
I will include you guys in my prayer :))
Ja…
and my girl was surprised at the beginning of my catheter, but now even travel with it,she help me to empty bag of urine. This summer I was in Barcelona where he was a test for us to get around only we, the conclusion … it was a wonderful holiday.
….Because it lies more in the chair, feet always swell, or from time to sudden changes of temperature. But when i put in bed with feet a little higher than the body level, recover them.
And I will pray for you, Ja. I was a student in theology when the accident happened to me, I graduated, now I am a student in business management and I know that God loves me more. I hope will not disappoint him in the future.
You know why we let it be so? because God loves all and wants to look through as like that HE never left as and that is can and so.
me and Dana
Nice photo Maxxxim. You can upload as many photos as you want in our gallery or forum.
Hi Maxxim!!! that’s a nice picture of you and Dana, I must say She’s beautiful..
Here’s my man in his lift, He’s from PA, USA..
thanks for cmment..
Okay, Graham I read your previous comments on the ejaculation stimulators…I’m still wondering if anyone has used one? I think my boyfriend has retro grade ejaculation because everything works but that..he hasn’t ejaculated since his accident but I can kinda see it floating in his pee (we r all friends here right ? Lol no need for me to pussyfoot around it) any comments or gripes (ladies :-) about trying to get pregnant is greatly appreciated thanks guys
Hi Kesha, yes for most a high frequency vibrator does work. You can read testimonials on the ferticare one at their website. These things can be expensive. You might like to try a cheap regular vibrator or clitoris stimlator buzzer first. I suggest a fertility clinic so you get the benefit of professional advice and testing of sperm viability.
Kesha, my boyfriend is a C4 quad as I had stated in a comment about a year ago. He uses the Ferticare vibrator which does help him ejaculate. Graham is right though, it is expensive to get. My boyfriend also required a prescription from the doctor to get the Ferticare. Another BIG drawback is that the battery quickly stops working. After a few months we began to find that even after recharging it, the Ferticare would quickly lose power. Once the problem began I searched online and found that this is a common issue with the Ferticare. Several people recommended trying less expensive vibrators that you can find in any adult shop.
From my own experience, my boyfriend at first would not ejaculate during sex. He didn’t even ejaculate with the first couple of trials of the Ferticare, but third time was the charm. After several times he did ejaculate more quickly with the vibrator, and he has even ejaculated during sex or with hand jobs without use of any vibrators. Again, this is our own experience, but everyone is different.
Dear Graham,
This article is mostly useful for Man with disabilty, especially those sex positions you posted up there.
Do you have any similar pictures for if the woman is the one who has disabilty?
I’d appreciate if you can post me the pictures or link via my e-mail address I gave in this comment form.
Thanks a lot
Graham,
I’m a C-4/C-5, am able to breathe on my own, tighten stomach muscles, and have some use of my arms, but no use of my hands. I can get an erection, but have trouble sustaining an erection. What could I get to help with that?
Also, I’m unsure whether or not I’ve ever ejaculated since my accident. I had my accident 9 years ago. Before my accident I ejaculated several times a week and even had a sex life at that age. What’s the best way for my girlfriend to get me to ejaculate? I have another question as well. As a young quadriplegic that doesn’t smoke, drink, or has ever done drugs, do I still have a good chance at fathering children?
Thanks for your time.
I write erotic romance novels and have been working on a story about a man who is in a wheelchair. I haven’t got all of the details worked out yet. I’m still in the plotting stages. He is a hockey player who sustains an injury. Your website and comment section has been invaluable for someone who knows little about the topic. I’m hoping that when the book is done, it will reflect the physical and emotional aspects of an injury and of the kind of sex life a person can have afterwards. This story will end in a “happily ever after.”
Hi Bobby: If you go back and look at a comment I made on Nov 7 2010 it covers sustainable erections. Aug 30 2011 and Kesha Oct 16 should help you also. I don’t like saying it as %10 of men disability or not cannot father children, but generally speaking, yes it is likely you will be able to father children.
Hi Alicia: Thank-you for the encouragement.
Dear Graham,
This article is mostly useful for Man with disabilty, especially those sex positions you posted up there.
Do you have any similar pictures for if the woman is the one who has disabilty?
I’d appreciate if you can post me the pictures or link via my e-mail address I gave in this comment form.
Thanks a lot
it was good to read.thanks
me vaise hi unke pass chali gayi aur unki dhoti
nikali unka 2inch chodha aur 10″ lamba land muhame lekar chusane lagi
es tarah yah mera ek mahine me sex ka tajoorba tha pahale bhaiya,papa,Chacha.aab
shadi ke bad pati,aur devar
Pls aap muze email kare per ek bat hai muze english achhi nahi aati hai esliye
pls hindi or marathime likhenge to janpahchan honeme dikhat nahi aayegi ! ok
bye!!!!!
Hi all,
I am currently in a relationship with a man who has a genetic disease that has left him having to rely on a chair. Funny thing is, I never even noticed the chair. I mean, sure I saw it, but I never weighed myself (full time ambulator) against my love. Our relationship is normal, we make love, laugh, go out, even fight. I would just love to see the representation of what is real in our world on a larger level. It breaks my heart to know that people are longing for fundamental things like physical closeness and the barrier is a chair or a walker or a misconception. The best sex I’ve ever had is with a disabled man, the best love, my joy. I am a writer by self-proclomation and I plan to write stories and poetry about love between ambulatory and non. I love this website and I wish all of you well. Thank You~
That’s great to hear Ginger thank-you. If you would be so kind as to share some of your works with us I would love to publish them here on our website. All the best to you and your lucky guy!
i am a male t12/l1 complete paraplegia for 3years,i have tried most of the medication to get the erection but no luck,can you please advise
Hi Kenzo, did you read the article? Particularly the third sub heading “Medications and sex aids after spinal cord injury.” Also read the comments around Nov 7th 2010. The information is still current.
Hi Graham
thanks i saw the device,i hope everything works fine for me
It may not be something you are willing to talk about so I am just going to put it out there. Be rough with your penis, don’t be ashamed to touch your own body and experiment. Physical stimulus is the best way for a paraplegic to attain an erection. Have you tried a cock ring, vacuum pump, intracavernosal injections, fertility clinic? A complete spinal cord injury complicates things but even when it is simply not possible to achieve an erection there are many other ways to sexually please a lover.
Graham what an amazing article. seeing as everyone is being so open, here goes. I have started seeing my ex who is an incomplete t5. we are both married, but not to each other, and ended up crossing paths again by chance. he had a car accident about 20 years, this was after we split up. we have had two experiences together, the first where he was amazingly giving and just tended to my needs, this meeting was completely unplanned. the second however, once we realised we still had incredibly strong feelings for each other was more focused on his needs. he used viagra and was able to get an erection although he wasn’t able to sustain in for long and he didn’t have an ejaculation, although this didn’t make any difference to how amazing the feelings were for both of us, I was amazed at how.much sensation he had in his erection. next time we meet we are going to use a stronger dose to see if he can keep the erection longer. my question is this. is an ejaculation the be all or not. I don’t want him to feel pressured and that if he doesn’t come we have failed. I want to do everything I can to make him feel masculine and know that I still find him incredibly sexy. he has had no sexual contact with his wife for 15 years.
Sure it is, that’s why they call an orgasm a climax right? I don’t like to put numbers on these things but which would you prefer, 30 minutes x1 pleasure, or 3 minutes x2 pleasure? Perhaps a better question is, which one do you think a person who can’t really tell if it’s x1 or x10 would choose?
It is unusual for a T5 paraplegic to have a lot of sensation in their penis. He may have just been being polite. Most have limited to none so sexual and orgasmic pleasure becomes more a visual and emotional one. For those orgasm is not the be all and end all, pleasing their lover is. As he says there is a lot of sensation an orgasm may be pleasing, satisfying, but I dare say his main goal is simply to please you.
Sometimes love is not a physical act, nor spoken word.
Graham: Thank you for posting the video. Many, many thanks.
@Bobby- I think you have a good chance to father kids. I’m a c-4 & I have had 3 kids since my accident. I have use of my arms, but not my torso. I was 20 when I had my accident, but didn’t figure out what worked for me until almost 10 yrs later. Just keep trying different positions. Look at my post on August 31. The position I talked about in that post helps me keep an erection, even after I ejaculate. Every situation is different so just keep trying. Make it fun. That way if it doesn’t happen it will still be a heck of a ride. :)
@New Beginning- Just make sure that he knows that you are enjoying him. That makes any man feel masculine. Assure him that, while you want him to be satisfied, it’s not a big deal if he doesn’t ejaculate. To him, it probably is because that’s associated with being finished in an able body. In reality, it’s the mental & emotional satisfaction that makes you feel accomplished.
The 2 girlfriends, one of which I married, both made sure I felt adequate. And even when I didn’t think so, I still appreciated their effort to assure me. When I can’t keep an erection for long, my wife tells me that it gives her time to rest. We then use physical stimulation to achieve another erection and go at it again. Different positions may aid in maintaining an erection. Read my post on August 31.
One more thing. I know you didn’t post here for a moral lesson, but please remember that there are 4 hearts involved.
Hi guys/gals…..
Loving the site!! I’ve gotten so much valuable info since finding it.
I’m a 36yr old male with a T11 incomplete since Jan this year. I’m currently using a permanent IDC but I’m gonna start bladder-training(again)in about a week or so, to see if I’ll be able to self-cat.
@Graham, the article mentioned that men with permanent IDCs can fold it back and secure it to the shaft but I’m unable to do this ’cause when erect, my penis is extended all the way to the end of the cat(where it connects to the tube of the bag – it’s also a 3-port cat)and becomes uncomfortable. Evenso, I tried masterbating and it ended up being uncomfortable/painful for days after. Would it be safe to conclude then, that no masterbation and/or sex for me untill I get the bladder-training done? And what if it’s determined that I have to maintain the permanent IDC?
Hi Dolfy, if your bladder is fully drained you should be able to remove the indwelling catheter for 20-30 minutes before you start voiding. Training should increase that time frame. Typically a little urine is not harmful to either sex during intercourse and better that than days of pain. Urine should certainly be avoided however when trying to fall pregnant. No matter what, I think you would benefit from sourcing longer 3 port catheters.
Thanks for the advice Graham. I suspect I’ll be taught how to remove it during training. I’m REALLY hoping my bladder still has some functionality left, so I can do without the permanent IDC.
@Graham…..forgot to ask: what’s “voiding”?
Most T11 incomplete spinal cord injuries do self catheterize 6 or so times a day (every 2-3 hours) and lead a relatively normal sex life. Such paraplegics carry a few sterile catheters everywhere they go, they pass the catheter up their urethra until urine flows and once the bladder is empty the catheter is withdrawn. Unlike an indwelling catheter that is held in the bladder by inflating a balloon near the tip. Voiding is peeing involuntarily, leaking urine. Self catheterizing just prior to sex can prevent any unwanted voiding.
Hey there, this website is great. I found it on google as i typed in about ‘ejaculation for tetraplegics’. I am an incomplete C5-6 Tetra, with good hand function. I’m a wheelchair user. I have a healthy sex life, with a long term partner.
I get frustrated as when I have sex now, I just want to be able to ejaculate.
I had my accident in 1989, and am 42 now. I can get hard, and stay hard with viagra. I find i’d rather not take viagra as it gives me a bit of mild heartburn, but without it, i can get very hard but lose it as very quickly.
The viagra keeps me hard, and i stimulate myself and try to sustain long enough to cum but i always lose it.
I know it should cumming should not be the ‘be all and end all’, but without ejaculating, i don’t feel the sex reaches to a satisfying climax for me.
I’ve tried just wanking countless times, but it seems i always lose it. I have experimented with commercial vibrators and even a tens machine pads on my helmet at a high setting all to know avail!
I wold love to try the ferticare, but i cant afford the cost. Also i am a gay man, and the ferticare in hospitals all seem aimed at men who want to be fertile, than cumming for pleasure/fulfillment aspect.
My partner really doesn’t mind at all whether i can cum or not. I have tried just chilling out about it, as i know thats not going to help, but it doesn’t make a difference. I dont know why, but it just gets a bit overwhelming.
I am incomplete, and self cathaterise to empty. I think its just the lack of a conclusion or climax that i struggle with.
Strangely, I was wanked off about a year after my accident, and I did ejaculate. This was around 1990 but not since. I don’t know what happened that time. That makes it worse somehow.
Any advice would help. Lamontes experience of ejaculating is great. Sorry if i’m posting this in wrong area. Am newbie!
Hi my name is corie,female, im a t8 complete SCI I was in a car accident 3-30-2011.I just turned 19 on december 26th this website has helped me out alot i feel that i dont satisfy my boyfriend when we make love i feel that i just lay there all paralyzed i have tryed to be on top but i cant seem to move very good,Any advise??
hi my name is corie,im a female… I was passenger when the car I was in hit a telephone pole going over 65 mph on 3-30-11 that left me paralyzed im now a t8 complete SCI. I was 18 years old when this happened to me.. I just turned 19 on Dec.26th… And now i have a boyfriend that I am completely in love with he new me before my accident and im lucky to have him now, But I feel I dont satisfy him when we are having sex,I feel I just lay there all paralyzed,I have tryed to be on top but i cant seem to get the motion going,I feel like I can barely move when on top my legs just lock up or something, I need some advise on how to move when on top that will satisfy my boyfriend…?
Hello,
Sorry about your accident. You are a very nice couple, I hope you can do anything you propose. I hope that someone will you answer your questions. I wish you courage and show friends that you love always.
Dann: Sounds like you have pretty much tried everything. You might just have to be happy that you can at least get an erection.
Corie: Are you sure your injury in complete? Usually with a complete spinal cord injury there is no movement (or spasm) or sensation below the level of injury. You should be getting wet, or use a lubricant like KY jelly on your privates and insides of your thighs to make it easier to slide up and down.
If your legs are locking up use it to your advantage. Get creative, if you lay on your back in your wheelchair you could pin him against the wall and rock back and forth to engage in sex. You’ve seen those triangles on hospital beds used to help you sit up, they can help you bounce too. Being a paraplegic you probably don’t have a personal hoist but if you talk with your boyfriend you might be able to rig up something like a hoist sex swing.
I got told i was a complete t8 i don’t have any sensation below my injury except that i feel like my legs are always tingling,Does any one else feel that??? Oh and my legs ALWAYS SPAZ ALL THE TIME! really your legs aren’t suppose to spaz if u are a complete??
And I always get wet when we make love,sometimes reallly wet
We Never have to use any kind of jelly…
I say usually no spasms for complete as the majority don’t, but certainly some like yourself Corie do spasm. Many factors determine complete or incomplete, regaining function after injury, pin prick and reflex tests etc. One of the primary factors for complete is no sensory or motor function in S4-S5. Not a big problem for women as vaginal lubrication typically remains. However with complete SCI men erectile disfunction is common. We explain grading here and elsewhere on our web site.
I get that constant tingling in all my paralyzed limbs, hands the strongest.
@Corie- I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. I had to realize that it wasn’t my partner that was dissatisfied, but me being dissatisfied with my performance. I felt like I should be doing more because I was comparing myself to the fully abled-body me. In order to be satisfied in anything, you have to be comfortable with yourself.
Talk with him & encourage him to be totally honest & ask him is he satisfied with you. You have to be ready to deal with a negative answer because you may get one. If you do, that doesnt mean he doesnt love you. It means you have a starting point. Communication goes a long way.
As Graham said, be creative. Your injury is still relatively new. You probably haven’t learned yourself completely yet. Just keep trying & you’ll learn to compensate for your weak areas. Just don’t give up.
As for your leg spasms, try stretching them everyday. Also, try having your legs in a different position. ie: if you are sitting on your legs, try having them straight, feet towards his shoulders. Your doctor may be able to prescribe you something to ease the spasms.
Good luck & remember; be creative, be patient, & don’t be so hard on yourself. Until you figure it out, just enjoy what you can do. One more thing: Your body is still adjusting. It took 18 years to get to where you were before your accident. It hasn’t even been a year since your accident. You have a lot of life to live. Enjoy the ride.
Meanwhile, I’ll be brainstorming as Graham probably will too. He does great research & he gives good advice. Hopefully, something will come up that will help. I didn’t mean to write a book, but once I get going… lol :P
Hi Guys, I’m back!!! I miss this group discussion!! Been busy.. I finally met my man, He was in my country last Jan 6-14… And OMG!!!! It was more than of what I am expecting! We had a lot of fun! I learned a lot about him and what I feel for him just got stronger.. WE’RE NOW ENGAGED!!!!
The sex was great! Lol.. :)
@maxxxim, how are you my friend? how are you and Dana? howa re you now to her mother? Love to hear from you.. :)
Hello Ja, I am glad much for you. You are two beautiful … I want to know each other, maybe someday we will meet all four. With Dana I’m fine, I think of marriage increasingly more. Her parents still do not accept me and I suffer much because they response to request in marriage may be depending on that. I tell you that any this at a friend. However I am glad much for you, you two are beautiful. Have your parents how they received your lover?
If you want to speak whith me, i have messenger yahoo id [removed]
@maxxxim, hello!!!! Thank you maxxxim for the quick response! My parents accepted him open arms! specially my Dad, He was sOoo happy and he’s also giving suggestions for our incoming wedding!! My mom is okay, she haven’t met my man b/c She’s in Israel working, hopefully she can come home for my wedding May next year!
Anyway, I have a lot of unforgettable experience with my man that I can’t wait to share with you guys!!!
It’s my first time be with a man in wheelchair, He’s C6-C7 incomplete quad, everything was sOo great, He really satisfies me with oral sex and I was blown away by that. Before we met, He doesn’t have problem in sustaining his erection (we do skype almost everyday) but when He got here we had a problem with that, I helped him, we did all possible things that we can to sustain the erection but nothing worked out, he really doesn’t use any toy before, even him is not sure what’s happening with him.. He already got back in his country and He already had his doctor’s appointment.. I am just praying that everything will work out.. We will soon get married and we really both want to have baby ASAP on or before wedding we don’t care! :)
Asking for prayers! :))
Thank you guys!
Hi Ja, you’re an extraordinary woman, and beautiful and you have a very beautiful soul. I hope to have part of what you want. I will pray for you. I want to know that you got pregnant for the steps and I will follow with Dana. The medicine is much more evolved you and hope you come in benefit in your dream. Anyway you are two sweet and two lucky because you love so well. Can you give me skype address to ask you something Dana? or you can give me one your lover address to can communicate with him? Thank you so much …. you’re a super girl.
keep in touch…
I will pray for you.
…or send me to my email adress [removed] I will soon make skype address.
For your safety we do not allow the posting of contact details here. You can use our forum to send private messages.
I haven’t had sex since my injury 9yrs ago and I know a guy that I trust and he’s also a best friend so should I let my 1st time in 9 freakin years be with him? Who isn’t afraid at all and very willing. Or just wait longer? I just need advice from people like me who get it.
Ja- Good for you. I am so glad you guys had a good time. I know you feel lucky, but he is lucky, too. You’re gorgeous. Thanks for sharing the picture. Don’t be too concerned about his erection. His body was probably just tired from the traveling. Also, it was his first time with you & sometimes that can happen when you are with someone for the first time, in a wheelchair or not.
Hot Wheelz- If you trust him & you are into in each other, I say go for it. However, this is a decision for you to decide. No one on here can answer that. You gotta weigh the benefits & consequences. good luck.
Here’s a picture of me and my gf. We found this site to be very useful.
Try Masturbating with a condom on as it traps lube.
im in a wheelchair and im looking for a girlfriend, sometimes i feel lonly in college
Dont worry Hector, just enjoy your college and your friends and activities.
I used to worry about all that, and get lonely, but I met somebody after college who was my fantasy and he is great, and we are married now but I look back to when I was lonely at college and wish I never preoccupied myself with meeting someone sexy, and stuff like that as it just gets in the way of having a good time.
There is plenty of time for that later ;-)
Hi Graham
I have been a T12/L1 for 3 yrs now since then i never had sex, i bought the vacurect pump as advised,yesterday my partner and myself tried using it,but the erection was not very hard,we had difficulties into penetrating,did we do something wrong,or maybe we missed a step somewhere along the line.
Dear Ja: Thank you for the picture! Good looking guy, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous babe and happy smiles that just glow. Wow… And my sincere congratulations on your engagement. If you would be comfortable sharing, I know that I and probably others would enjoy hearing about how your wedding plans come together. (Is the wedding May 2012 or May 2013? I wasn’t certain.) When the time comes, I hope you and that lucky guy you are sitting on will consider posting a couple wedding pictures here so we can all take vicarious delight in your wedding day.
Bobby: Thank you for the picture! Good looking guy, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous babe and happy smiles that just glow. Yeah, I know – I just said the same thing to Ja about her picture. But I don’t know how else to put it. The four of you look like the happiest people I have seen in a long time! May you enjoy the good life – and I’ll raise a glass to toast you all just as fast as I can mix it…
Hi Kenzo, don’t give up mate. It often takes a bit of practice to find what works best. I have not used one personally but many say it’s important to get a good seal. You might try an elastic band applied to the base of penis shaft, to help sustain an erection. Don’t forget to keep it fun.
Thanks Graham,i will do my best to have fun.Maybe i used a bigger seal.
Hi Kenzo. I used a pump early on, around 1995 or so. I don’t remember what brand it was. When I first used it, it didn’t do so well either. It did get better after a few uses, but nothing like I was hoping for. It did get firm enough for penetration, though. Keep trying & experimenting. I remember going very slow with the vacuum process. Word of caution: Don’t leave the ring on too long. I did & ended up with a limp, bruised penis. It got better after a day or so, but boy was that scary. And like Graham said, keep it fun.
Hi Lamonte
Thanks a lot my brother i will keep on trying,tell me what are you using now if you no longer use the pump?maybe it will help,i would also like to have a child of my own,can you advice.
Im 19 years old & ive been in a wheelchair a little over 2 years.. I’ve had plenty of sex with women,I don’t always stay completely hard all the times but I pleasure them, im interested in the pump & cock ring? Is it a good idea,I don’t have complete feeling but I have sensation on my penis,after 2 years of being paralyzed I think I ejaculated but am not sure.. I feel this sensation I get when I have to pee cuz I know when I have to pee but I had this “clear” “sticky” stuff come out?it wasn’t allot but my fiance thinks its tasty?lol I don’t mean to be all personal but im curious weather that’s what it is & can we have a baby?
Kenzo- I can get an erection from physical stimulation, but sometimes can’t maintain it. Viagra has worked for me. As for the baby, there’s a lot of info on choices here on this site. Graham has done a good job at compiling info for us (Thanks Graham), along with the members. Try different positions as I mainly ejaculate when in one position. I’ve talked about it in earlier post so you can scroll up & have a look. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Just remember to enjoy being alone with your partner. It took me a while to get to that point, but once I did, everything was much more enjoyable…even those times when I just pleasured her. Good luck & keep us posted.
Any help?
Boy iam in a wheelchair spinal cord injury t11 and t12 complete i can not get a erection but i do make love to my wife not so much tho the things i want to do and cant bother me to a point were i lose interest in sex and she dose not. I worry that she will become wanting and go else were i know she would not but the thought is still there and she gets frustrated and things are said that hurt but to her it dose not hurt me becuse a person with mobility dose not think of these thing in such a way as i do. So i do not say anything but i can not help but feel a bit down on myself and useless. I love my wife she takes very good care of me. And becuse i need the help i feel like i am a burden to her and do not want to go any were or do anything i just sit and there i stay trying to stay out of the way so i do not make her feel any more burdened than she already dose. Wish i could say it works but it dose not i do not feel that it dose i can tell by the coments said to me. i am lazy and i dont do nothing for myself but yet i pay the bills take care her and her child bring money into the house while she goes to school to become a nurse. i am however glad that i have had the chance to love someone and get married after my accident something i was scared was not ever going to happen to me so with that i am lucky i just want thing to be normal but my normal and her normal are not even close i dont know if i can make her happy all i can do is try. Not for her but for me if i give up what kind of person would i see my self as i dont think a very good person at all and i will not let myself be sidetracked by emotions that will lead my mind to wonder about what kind of husband stepfather person that i am i will not let all of this beat me i will not wallow in my self doubt i will push on have to afraid if i stop to wallow i will get stuck bla bla bla sorry just dont have anyone to talk to that understand take care all and keep you head up.
Hi Leslie- I think there’s a good chance for a baby. However every situation is different. There are options for children, even if you can’t ejaculate normally. The sticky clear stuff could be pre-ejaculatory fluid (if that’s a word lol). Sometimes with a spinal cord injury (SCI), the semen goes into the bladder instead of being pushed out. That may be happening with you. I’m not sure if you have a SCI or not, but read my previous posts. I talk about how position matters for me. I am a C4 quad & my wife & I have had 3 kids since my accident so there is hope. It took tens years to figure it all out though. However, I didn’t have wonderful websites like this one available to me. Read throughout this site. There’s a wealth of info here. Good luck & keep us posted.
Yes im t12 complete & thanks so much for your help lamonte
Hey Johnny- i think what you’re feeling is a normal response. I went through almost all of those feelings…still have them sometimes too. I just don’t dwell on them anymore. Why? Because I realized that I still have value. You have to see the value in yourself before you can believe that someone else sees value in you. I’m not saying you don’t. I’m just saying that it’s necessary.
The girl I was with when I had my accident starting seeing someone else & we split up. That could have been partially my fault. I depended on her to do everything for me, even things I could do for myself. Maybe she became over-whelmed. I also had lost a lot of my confidence that I had before my accident. That could have played a part as well. It still doesn’t justify the way things went down, but it could have played a part. After we split up, I became more independent, worked on my confidence, & found value in myself.
Soon after that, I met the woman that I would go on to marry. We will celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary in March. She does things for me that I can do for myself, but I don’t wait for her to do them. I know that I’m a good man & if she decides not to be with me anymore, she’ll be losing a lot & someone else will reap the benefits. Because of my confidence & actions, she knows it too. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll lose something too, but I’ll recoup & move on. I’m not being arrogant. I just have recognized my worth.
As for an erection, there’s options: injections, pumps, medication, implants, etc. Research them here & other places & discuss it with your doctor.
I had to learn to not be so hard on myself. I use a wheelchair & I can’t move my fingers, & I don’t have trunk stability. That’s who I am, but it doesn’t define me. I accept my inabilities, but only to a point. To the point that I see them as things I haven’t conquered yet. Begin to work on one thing at a time that you need help with until you can do it on your own. Then move to something else. It used to take me 3o min. to get dressed, but the more I did it, the better I got. I couldn’t even feed myself at one point, but now I can cook dinner. The point I’m making is: If you feel like a burden, then try to do more for yourself. It won’t be easy & it may not happen quickly, but you can do it. Just don’t give up. Look for support groups in your area or/and keep coming to this site. That’ll help you to vent, which we all need to do. If you believe in the Bible, read Philippians 4:13. Jesus loves you!
I recently started seeing someone hes been a quadriplegic for over 8 years. I really like him and I want to take our relationship to the next level, I think he does too and I found this site very helpful. He cannot control his erections and I was wondering if there was a way to do this? Or to arouse him in another way? So far we’ve mostly just been kissing and making out. But I know that both of us want to go further and I really want to please him and make our first time special and I don’t want him to feel frustrated or inadequate, so Id really like to know the options for getting and keeping him erect to possible ejaculation. Thanks so much for any help!
hi E. Cortney.
Iam like you boyfrend and for more erection i use ENTRAN FORTE. It is a medicaments whith 2 pills and after 30 minutes i can have an erection for long time (30 minutes is ok? ;) ) but this is simulate when i kiss my girls.
http://www.pcfarm.ro/produs/2503/Entran-Forte
You an a lott girls are amaising people, you are like gift for as, gift of GOOD.
Belive in you power. certanly you succesed!
Hi E. Courtney. Rather than repost the info for you, you can read through the other posts above. I know it’s a lot of reading, but there is a lot of information up there. You should find some things to try. Good luck.
Yes I have read everything on here. I guess I am just nervous about the whole thing, there are so many options given, I am just unsure about which option would work best for us.
E.Cortney, we might be able to give specific advice if you tell us exactly what his injury is. When it comes to sexual function a C4 complete is different to C4 incomplete quadriplegic. Even two C4 complete’s can have different abilities. Does he have wrist function, can he transfer himself, etc. Most wheelchair users like the fantastic members helping you here have no problem discussing sex. Don’t be afraid to ask, be open and honest with your boyfriend. I’m sure he’d be happy to learn you are interested in making love with him.
Hi Maxxim/Graham & Lamonte guys this ENTRAN FORTE work on a T12/L1 COMPLETE.I am having problem in getting it up.At the moment i busy with the pump its getting there but not as hard as it is needed.but i am having lot of fun.
E. Courtney, I second what Graham said. Be open with him. as far as there being a lot of options, start with the easiest & least evasive. If that doesn’t work go again.
Kenzo, I have no idea about that medication. Try discussing it with your doctor.
I just want to say thank you again for this article. First time, not exactly according to plan but still a very enjoyable time. It was really great exploring each other and I feel so warm that my bf told me that I am the only one he feels comfortable in seeing him this way, scars and all. So thank you very much. I feel that things are so great they can only get better from here on out. *hugs*
Thanks E.Courtney, glad to hear it went well and that you care about each other so much. He is a lucky guy to have you.
Hi Guys!
this page has became my solid rock!and it has startewd to rebuiled my relatiopnship
My name is Erik. I suffered a spinal cord injury on thanksgiving 2011! I am a T10 complete and am very excited that I found this sight! I had so many questions and most of them were answered from reading comments and just the article in itself! I have been with my girl for three years and we were curious about some sexual options! I will continue to read the comments and questions and thank the people also on this sight for they’re questions.
well hi there i read all the above i am 40yrs old male that would love to find a lady would like to be sexualy active with me i use a whelchair to get around in
Johnny…. my name is colin and im going threw the same thing all though im not married its bin killing me but we fight for our dreams of being happy an having a normal life im a t4 t5 complete as of june 30th 2011 i hope i the best and to everyone else! Keep the rubber side down lol
Sorry hope you the best
By reading all your comments i am getting stronger by the day.Graham thank you for this page.
Hi My Boyfriend That Is 17 Got Shot On January 31.2012 , I’m Not Gone Say By Accident But He was Not The Target, Just In The Way He Was Pronounced Paralyzed With A Incomplete T7(which he was told he was a T5 at another doctor) Injury & He Have A lot Of Questions! He Paralyzed From The Waist Down, Will He Be Able To Feel His Penis & Will He Be Able To Have Kids. His Legs Are Starting To Jump Already & Its Only Been A Month Since The Inccident. Can You PLEASE Tell Us Everything We Needa Know About His Injury.
Hi Lovely, at six weeks it’s a bit early to say what he might regain, though it is unlikely he will regain full sensation in his penis or anywhere below his hips. However, as an incomplete, he should be able to achieve a sustainable erection for sex and his sperm should still be viable. The majority of men with a spinal cord injury can father children. Some spinal cord injury units offer to collect a sperm sample from men aged between 16 and 50 for freezing, as a just in case.
Hi Graham!As a T12/L1 Complete paraplegia,i know i don’t get natural erection,but will i be able to father my own biological children in future?If not is the any way that i can do,you know from where i am i need to ask all this question to a uro,but then it cost a consultation fee.
Hi Kenzo, as you are about 4 years post injury and relatively young your sperm should be ok. It won’t hurt to try the tips in the article to ejaculate. You may need to resort to TESA (needle extraction) see my Aug 30 2011 comment. I strongly suggest you visit a fertility clinic before pregnancy because your injury is complete it’s important to ensure you start life with sperm as healthy as possible.
Thanks Graham!the information will surely help me,even thou i don’t even know were to start looking for a fertile clinic here in S.A,but i will do my best and look around.Thanks once more.
Soo, when you say freeze it what do you mean by that if you don’t mind me asking? (I’m sorry I’m just not use to this).
Ask all you like, we have great members here who can answer you as well as me. It’s called cryogenics. They use liquid nitrogen to put the sperm sample into a deep deep freeze, then seal and store the vessel for upto 50 years. A young T5~T7 incomplete does not really need to worry about all that, its just a good safeguard if you can afford it.
Before making a baby with anyone you need to decide if you at least want to remain in contact with them for the rest of ur life. It is going to be a rough road ahead for you both Lovely. His world is collapsing and he will push you away. There will be highs and lows. A good man before SCI will be a good man after SCI in time. A baby is for life.
Hi Graham!i know this may depend on an individual,but is the best possible position that i can use when making love(going for penetration)i noticed that even after a few pumps with the device the erection is not thatstrong but if i can be in a good position the party can contunue.
Hey there im a 24 year old paraplegic due to a gun shot wound.My injury is at the L1. I have had very little information given to me about sex as well as reproduction. Its been two years and I have not tried to have sex is it two late? I can’t get an erection at all mentally and I’ve tried stimulation but no success. Me and fiance have been sexual but she would rather intercourse. Is it possible and if so how and what all do i need to help?
Hi Tay, it’s never to late to try. Read the article in full and follow the suggestions. An L1 injury can be complicated, few spinal injuries can get get a psyschogenic {“mentally”) erection so you are not alone. Is your spinal cord injury complete or incomplete?
@Lamonte and woundedwolf.. Thanks guys! The wedding will be next year here in my country (Philippines)..
Congrats Ja! I wish you two a long a wonderful life together.